Another emo love story
by x-asexuality-x
Summary: Carmilla, Hollstein. Mostly fluff, some angst and quite a bit off smut. High school AU. Trigger warning: self harm and mental illness. Also on A03.
1. Vodka

I puffed out a cloud of smoke from the spliff I was holding in between my fingers and repeatedly sparked the lighter in my left hand. The song _Burn Bright_ by _My Chemical Romance_ blasted through my the speaker laid against my stomach and a bottle of vodka lay on the blanket to my right. I had laid out the blanket in the middle of the clearing in the woods so that I could look up into the trees and contemplate life; it is my quiet place, I'm the only one who knows about the clearing or at least ever comes here. It is away from everything in the middle of a vast forest. I had found the clearing when i was eight and had been going there ever since, never telling anyone where I was going or that the clearing ever existed, anyone that I ever tell would have to really special and no one has ever been special enough to me.

I dropped the lighter on the blanket and adjusted the pillow that I had propped behind my head. My hand reached down for the sealed bottle of vodka, across my body. The warmth of vodka and weed on a breezy April night could always cheer me up and calm me down: it cleansed me of anxiety and cleared me of the numbness of depression, something that no human being could ever do. I can't help but picture the day when a girl would come into my life and ignite those reactions, a girl that acts like a drug: the same rush of dopamine, the same hit of adrenaline, the same rebellious feeling, the kind of thing that rids the demons from my mind. I want to meet someone who can make me feel like a princess, not that I deserve that. I want someone to treat like a princess: buy roses, take out to fancy restaurants, sit at with with cuddling on the bed and to hold and kiss. I want someone better than all the drugs, alcohol and caffeine in the world, I want to be able to get through a day without those things. There's nothing more draining than depression; the empty numbness, losing all motivation. Sometimes I lose the motivation to do everything, I even have to battle with my brain to allow me to close my eyes at night, I just stare at the ceiling for hours on end. Once I stayed awake for five hours and got no sleep, I was awake when my alarm went off at seven in the morning. Anxiety makes me a nervous wreck, nothing is simple. For me days, weeks, months, years, are less like time and more like obstacles, hurdles in the way of happiness. But hey being a useless stoner, alcoholic seems to make it better. I don't just want someone to make it all better, I need someone to make it all better.

I inhale a deep puff smoke again and exhale, slowly before taking another sip from the bottle of vodka. You could say that I am wasting my time, sitting for hours and getting drunk and stoned but it makes me feel good and no one has ever suggested anything better for me to do with my lousy fucking time. I put the vodka back down on the blanket and reach with that hand past my signature leather pants and into my underwear. I stimulate my clitoris, moaning in ecstasy before entering my vagina with my fingers, making a beckoning motion. Whilst inhaling smoke from my spliff again I insert another finger into my vagina and move my hand back and forth before orgasm.


	2. Bathroom

Another day in this hell hole we call school, great! My hands left the steering wheel of my car and grabbed for my bag and coffee before opening the door. After downing the rest of my coffee and throwing the paper cup in the trash before making a b-line to the bathroom. Once there and free of smoke detectors I sparked my lighter and lit the spliff in my left hand. Whilst looking into the mirror, spanning across the wall and check my pristine eyeliner wings and adjust my studded belt. I take another puff of smoke and exhale as someone walks in; I didn't recognize her, I'm not sure but I think she's new. She is wearing a shirt with navy and white stripes and had and mousy brown, almost blonde hair, that's all I saw. I inhaled more of the weed as I started to hear her softly cry.

I faintly knocked on the door and asked "are you okay?" She didn't reply, I could just hear her muffled cry, "hey" I tried again "seriously are you okay?"

I heard her stand up and then the click of the lock on the stall door and I see her wipe her caramel brown eyes with a piece of toilet paper that she had bunched up in her hands. Then I hear a cracked and broken voice say "no, shit, no I'm not," I reached my hand out and offer her a puff of my weed. She took the spliff out of my hand and brought it up to her mouth before lightly inhaling and soon after started violently coughing.

"Oh miss goody two shoes! Never smoked weed before have you?" I asked but it was more of a statement than a question. She shook her head in response, like a deer in headlights. "I'm Carmilla," I began, "Karnstein".

She placed the spliff back in between my fingers delicately, "I'm Laura," she stated, "Hollis and thanks by the way, and oh yeah no, I have never smoked weed."

I inhale again between puckered lips, "Why is that then Laura Hollis?"

"My dad's a police officer," Laura exclaimed, rather suddenly.

"What, oh my sweet baby Jesus SHIT!"

"Hey," Laura said, "don't think I'm a snitch or like a massive arse hole, do you?" All I could do was shake my head in response, honestly I was still kind of shook from the previous statement, "Well I better be going then," Laura said before exiting the bathroom.


	3. Pretending to shoot

I walked into form, still completely stoned. My eyes must have been completely bloodshot and all eyes in the room were laid on me. As I looked down I vigorously rubbed my eyes but I guess that just made it so much more obvious that I was completely 420.  
My eyes shot back as I saw Laura sat at the back of the room, giggling discreetly. After walking to the back of the class I sat in the seat next to Laura. In all the time I was stood up, making myself look like a complete cunt and stinking of weed the teacher never noticed; she never did.  
"How fucking much did you smoke?" Laura asked mockingly.  
"Fucking enough," I bragged, still giggling due to being high.  
Laura shook her head and laughed again. Her foot nudged into mine gently, at first I thought that it was just a coincidence however Laura placed her foot to be in contact with mine again, this time lingering. Noticing the game of footsie she was trying to play I pulled my foot away and laughed before lacing my foot over hers. A smile broke over Laura's face, which must have been contagious as soon I was bearing the same smile.  
"You are a complete fucking cunt," Laura joked.  
I made a sarcastic offended, jaw dropped face, "Miss Hollis here, a massive hypocrite, calling me a cunt," as I stuck my middle finger up in her face.  
The bell rang and we both grabbed our bags and left the classroom, heading off in opposite directions.  
I made my way to music. Music had always been my favourite subject. I played bass, electric and acoustic guitar as well as drums but bass guitar was my principal instrument. I remember first picking up a bass when I was eight, I has been playing guitar since I was five but the was something about playing in the bass cleff that I loved. I loved to play rock, pop punk and funk. What can I say, I love heavy distortion and slap bass.  
When I got to class I took my usual seat at the back of the class when a few minutes later Laura walks in and sits next to me. She is carrying a violin case.  
"Just can't get enough of me creampuff?"  
Laura laughed and shook her head.  
"Violin, huh? Sexy!"  
Laura continued to giggle. "So what do you play Karnstein?"  
"Mostly bass guitar but acoustic and electric and drums."  
"Kit or?"  
"Yeah, what else?"  
"I have no fucking clue," Laura answer giggling.  
The teacher began to talk, about the set work we were doing, 'Music for a while' by Henry Purcell, boring. I tapped Laura on the shoulder and brought my hand up to the side of my head and pretended to shoot, crashing my head into the table. Laura laughed.  
I opened up bag and pulled out a clear water bottle, filled with vodka. I brought the bottle up to my lips and took a few swigs. I handed the bottle to Laura who took a conservative sip from the container before she handed it back and once again giggled. I placed the water bottle on the desk and opened by notebook, grabbing a biro with the other hand, beginning to do some actual work.


End file.
